A therapist has revealed the 10 parenting tips she swears by for creating a “safe” relationship between parent and child.
Jessica MacNair, 41, of Arlington County, Virginia, a licensed therapist with more than 20 years of experience, said parents should get their consent before hugging their child, never use food as a reward, and never comment on body types.
The mother-of-two, who posts on TikTok, said she’s taking the advice with her own sons, ages 10 and 13, and hopes other parents might find the tips useful.
However, the tips have proved controversial with viewers, with some claiming they went “too far”.
Jessica MacNair has shared her parenting advice on TikTok and has met mixed opinions – but many parents agree with her
Jessica explained it’s important to maintain a “safe” relationship with a child and create a “safe attachment style” that can help avoid problems down the road.
“If you implement these from a young age, a child feels safe and a lot of traumatic things can be avoided,” she said.
“A lot of the reasons adults get into therapy are because parents haven’t created that safe space for their child and the trust isn’t there.
She explained that now, secure attachment to a parent in childhood can lead to things like addiction, broken relationships and problems maintaining jobs.
She went on to say that modeling good, safe habits and behaviors is one way to avoid these things in adulthood.
“You shouldn’t discuss personal finances in front of them, never compare them to other kids, or use food as a punishment or reward,” Jessica said.
“One should not judge children by their gender, their sexuality, their feelings or the way they express them, their grades in school, or use fear as a motivational tool.”
Finally, she controversially advised parents “never have to learn to trust authority figures.”
Jessica said: “It’s about not blindly following authority. My generation was taught that, but Gen Z is doing a good job of pushing back.
“People should pay attention to what they hear and if it doesn’t sound right, don’t just trust the person.
The mother of two from Arlington County, Virginia, USA shared her list of things she would never do to her children thanks to her experience and expertise. People flocked to share their views on the list after she shared her explainer videos on TikTok – even asking her to share another five.
“Not everyone knows everything. Your teacher may be doing his best, but he may not know everything.
“It depends on the situation, but always question the premise – should you trust that particular person on that particular issue?
“It goes back to the basic thing, if someone shows up in a van and says ‘get in,’ don’t just trust them because they’re grown up.
“Look at the situation and what they want to achieve.”
Of her “hug” advice, one TikTok user commented, “To me personally, asking for consent to hug your kids is overkill.”
Another added: “I’ve asked permission to give hugs for decades. Had relatives on the spectrum and knew it would freak them out unless I asked first.
Jessica explained her advice: “In order for them to stand up for themselves and be adults, they need to learn to give consent.
“It’s important to model that from an early age, the older generation didn’t have that, so they don’t realize that you can say no.
“Most of the time they say yes, and that’s more meaningful.
“It can feel like an insulting rejection, but I always remember that they don’t owe you anything and need to be able to stand up for themselves even if it’s not what you want.”
Jessica added, “You don’t have to follow me or agree with me, but some of the points I’ve made are things I wish I’d known before I had kids.
“I hope some people can take something away from the videos.”
